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ERRATIC EMOTIONS

Photo of me in a red mesh top paired with blue jeans, smiling.

It's been a while since I was here and a lot has happened in my time of absence. I recently moved to a new city to garner experiences, skills, explore and chart a new course for my life. At first I loved the freedom that comes with independence and the satisfaction of doing something that's always been on my mind. But I began feeling sort of nostalgic and the sense of separation from my family stung with each passing day. In this new city, I miss the people in my life and amidst my other jumbled thoughts that I might have made a huge mistake is the idea that I was not happy. Freedom! It should have brought me uncontained  happiness but instead sadness hung over my head. I even got as far as getting a job so why wasn't I happy?. 

I spoke to my family /friends and they reassured me to be happy that everything would be fine. One of my Instagram friends @Olotufunke who is a Nigerian blogger shared one of her affirmation post that struck me straight in the heart and further allayed those feelings. Take that erratic emotions!. We spoke and she made me better with her kind words. 

Olotufunke's affirmations

Olotufunke's text

In all of this, the people I reached out to or who reached out to me urged me to be happy. I even received money and a few praises on my outlook because I had to doll myself up to quell how I felt lately. But by the end of the day I went back to feeling the same. Why couldn't these reassurances make me happy?. Why wasn't I happy?. 

Me dolled up

I decided to do what brings me peace and I wrote this blog post. And as I wrote I realized one very crucial thing. I was already happy, I just blindly refused to acknowledge it. And unconsciously allowed sadness to invade me, then locked it up inside me. 

I keep hearing people say things like;

"I want to be happy". 

"I am finding happiness by the end of this year and keeping it". 

"If only I can get to the point where I'll finally be happy in life".

 " I think when I get millions of dollars in assets, millions of dollars in cash, children and a huge mansion I'll finally be happy" not to mention a few other choice wishes.

The truth is, we already possess what it takes to be happy, dare I say we're oblivious to it. We just need to realize that happiness is not a destination we should strive to get to. It is a feeling, although temporary, that has to be ignited and sustained every single day of our lives!. If we're constantly torn up within ourselves because it seems others have gotten the key to happiness (which in most case would include money, fame, power, societal acceptance, academic excellence, family, children, relationship) and we've not,  it'll steer us away from predestined happiness. It's not easy saying, hearing, writing or reading the truth about happiness and it might take a long time to come to terms with it (because even as I write this, I'm yet to let my mind, soul and body totally acquiesce), but we need to understand this very crucial thing; the happiness that we seek is deep within us.

Imagine looking at yourself in the mirror one day and realizing you have the perfect body you've been craving or stepping outside your home and cameras flood you because by some miracle you turned into a superstar overnight or owning huge mansions of your dreams with luxurious assets, cars and enough cash to spend up to your fifth generation. You'll be so happy and sigh contentedly within yourself. Finally, you're truly happy. Then suddenly, everything goes South and your body becomes the object of ridicule. You walk into a room and barely anyone/anything acknowledges your existence and that luxurious lifestyle comes to a screeching halt. Let me tell you what would happen to you. You will lapse into manic depression my friend. You'll  be frustrated and life will not be worth living anymore.

This is because the security that money, fame, attention, luxury etc provides is just a figment of what happiness truly is. It leaves you naked when it's gone, with nothing but yourself. Which is only what you had to begin with anyway.  To see life differently, we need to adjust the lenses with which we view it. No one / nothing can give us happiness like ourselves. All people and other external factors can do is bring out the happiness in us. 

To see life differently, we need to adjust the lenses with which we view it.  

Happiness shouldn't be what we strive for because we already have it. It should however, be what we choose it to be, whenever we want it. And we shouldn't fall into depression because what we allowed (yes allowed) to give us temporary happiness isn't there or was taken away from us. Also, if  you're going to be happy doing something, then do it. As long as it doesn't directly hurt anyone physically, mentally, morally etc. It doesn't have to conform with other people's idea of happiness, just create yours. Everyone will be fine. 

Again, happiness is not a destination we need to get to. It's an intermittent feeling we get when things go the way we want them to. You have the power to make it stay forever. It's in the littlest but most important things we disregard, like ourselves. 

Photo of me

Tell me, how have you been feeling lately? 

Did you get caught up in the whirlwind that is life and how are you coping?

Have you felt the way I did above and what helped in that moment?

Do you know that motivational quotes/speeches and assurances from people offer temporary bliss and unless you realize that only you can make yourself truly happy that you'll always be miserable?

👇👇👇

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